Psalm 30:5

Hello friends.

This past week has been a doozy for me. It has been an emotional, physical, and spiritual roller coaster, and, as a result, I have decided to start my blog up again. It is such a healthy discipline to find joy in every day things.

Already I find myself looking for things through out the day that I can thank God for, and it's so much better than moping around! Try it!

Anyways, this past Sunday I was a Scripture Reader at my church, and I was providentially assigned to read Psalm 30 in front of the congregation. Not only were the words of this Psalm coming from my mouth, but they were the cry from my heart as well. Below is what I read:



[Joy Comes with the Morning]
[A PSALM OF DAVID. A SONG AT THE DEDICATION OF THE TEMPLE.]
[30:1] I will extol you, O LORD, for you have drawn me up
and have not let my foes rejoice over me.
[2] O LORD my God, I cried to you for help,
and you have healed me.
[3] O LORD, you have brought up my soul from Sheol;
you restored me to life from among those who go down to the pit.
[4] Sing praises to the LORD, O you his saints,
and give thanks to his holy name.
[5] For his anger is but for a moment,
and his favor is for a lifetime.
Weeping may tarry for the night,
but joy comes with the morning.
[6] As for me, I said in my prosperity,
“I shall never be moved.”
[7] By your favor, O LORD,
you made my mountain stand strong;
you hid your face;
I was dismayed.
[8] To you, O LORD, I cry,
and to the Lord I plead for mercy:
[9] “What profit is there in my death,
if I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it tell of your faithfulness?
[10] Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me!
O LORD, be my helper!”
[11] You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
you have loosed my sackcloth
and clothed me with gladness,
[12] that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever!
(Psalm 30 ESV)

"Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning". This struck me the most. To weep and to have joy are to be human. It is OK to feel both emotions, even at the same time. It is OK to both be sorrowful and joyful simultaneously, even though you feel like you shouldn't, or that it doesn't make sense. It's OK. It's OK.

Thank you, Lord, for the beautiful life you have given me. Yes, there is and will be pain, but let that not overpower the abundant reasons for joy that are present in my life, as well. Allow me to bless you and the others around me.

Little Did She Know...

Oh, powerful and omniscient third person perspective. How I love thee. 


Little did Rebecca Fuller know that when she found her assigned seat on her flight from Long Beach to Seattle that it would be taken by a three year old. Little did she know that the three year old's father would say, "Would you like an aisle seat, instead?" and that Rebecca would end up sitting in a different row in a seat she had no power in choosing. Little did she know that all of these small and seemingly inconsequential happenstances weren't so inconsequential after all!

[insert awkward transition from third person to first person here]


I absolutely adore flying. I love taking off, looking down at the cities as they get smaller and smaller, soaring over the clouds and marveling at the beauty of God's creation, and then landing at an incredibly scary yet somehow safe speed. It's all so glorious.

All that said, though, I have to say that my absolute favorite part of flying is the opportunity to talk with the person next to me. I have had so many fascinating conversations with what I like to call my "flying buddies", that I always hope that they will be willing to talk, too. Usually they do. And, boy do I have stories that I could share! But this is neither the place or the time for such stories. I am writing to share one story in particular; a story that the omniscient third person voice knew of all along.

Imagine my pure joy when I sit down in my newly and unofficially assigned seat and start making small talk with my flying buddy that I would hear an English accent in his response! My flying buddy was from the UK! From the moment he opened his mouth, I knew this would be a great flight. Jonathan is his name; an early thirty-something bespectacled man whose Ph.D. is in something impressively scientific that I cannot even remember (he's a genius when it comes to chemistry, that I can tell you). If I were an omniscient third person perspective for Jonathan, I would say something like:

Little did Jonathan know that when he sat down in his seat that he would soon be accompanied by a inquisitive American girl who would ask him all sorts of questions about life in the UK. Little did he know that he would even find himself enjoying the conversation, too. 


The first thing I told him after I found out where he came from was that I was going to Cambridge this summer. I felt that it established my ethos as his conversation and flying buddy. He was impressed, so I knew I was in. He was mine for the next two hours. It was time to ask all of the looming questions I had about life in the UK.

Our flight went like this: while watching hilarious episodes of the Big Bang Theory on TBS, we would chat during the commercials. Here are some samples from our conversation...a medley, of sorts. Enjoy, and maybe even giggle to yourself as you read. That's always fun. :)

Me: So, do you guys have football over there?
Jonathan: Well, yes, we have football, American football, and Aussie Soccer. 
Me: Oh, yeah, that's right! You call soccer, football! Which totally makes sense. What were we Americans thinking? 
Jonathan: I don't know. 


Me: OK, so my co-worker, Carri, tells me that we should put milk in our tea (she went to Oxford for a year), but this morning, my professor (who lived in Cambridge for a year) told me that we should put cream in our tea. Who is right? What do you put in your tea?
Jonathan: Oh, milk, for certain. Cream is much too thick. You might be thinking of Creamed Tea, though. 
Me: Creamed Tea? What's that?
Jonathan: Oh, it's what we drink during Tea Time. 
[insert massive smile on my face here]
Me: Tea Time?? When does that happen?
Jonathan: Oh, around 4 o'clock. 


Me: So, what's it like living in a Monarchy? You know, as opposed to a Democracy?
[yes, I asked him this question. I was curious!]
Jonathan: Haha, well, I think daily life is the same for you as it is for me. The Queen doesn't necessarily do all that much. 


Jonathan: Well, it was nice to meet you.
Me: Yes, it was! I hope you have a Merry Christmas! Wait, do you say 'merry' over there, or 'happy'?
Jonathan: *thinks for a moment* We say 'merry'.
Me: Oh, because in Harry Potter, they say 'happy'. OK. Well, then, Merry Christmas!
Jonathan: Merry Christmas to you, too. 




Oh, omniscient third person perspective, you're so cool. 

A Study Break...in blog form

I'm finishing up Plato's Republic tonight. It's getting late. Nevertheless, I kind of love my life here at Biola, so it's all good. :)

According to Plato, education is the turning of the soul from vice to virtue. I like the sound of that. I should think and write more about my philosophy of education. Later, though. Not now. Time to go read.

Also, I'm listening to The Civil Wars...again. They are now my favorite band. I now have an answer to the question, "what is your favorite band?". I am very happy about this.

Here's something to think about: why do you get educated? why do you go to school each day? what's the point? to get smarter? if so, why go to school to learn things you can just look up on google? so why go? I think I know...or, Plato does. what do you think?

Insta-Smile

I give her my Panera Card, and watch with anticipation as she swipes it. 

"You get a free pastry and a free hot drink today", she says with excitement. Even the employees love it when customers get free things! 

"Really? Yay!" I respond with a massive and instantaneous smile. 

It's the little things in life that oftentimes bring the biggest joy. 

And in case you are wondering, I got an orange glazed scone (heated, of course) and Earl Grey tea with cream and sugar. Yummmmmmm. :) 

I am in Love....

....with the band, The Civil Wars.

They are so good. I'm kind of obsessed. Especially with this song. The lyrics are incredible. I think I like this duo so much because they are so authentically human. And their voices together are impeccable. Take a listen, if you'd like.

 I just really love this song. 

Ok, back to homework. 

:) 

Contrary yet Simultaneous

I'm sitting in Common Grounds (a coffee shop at Biola), sipping at my perfectly heated London Fog, and reading Edmund Burke's Reflection on the Revolution in France, and it hits me: I'm not frantically running around right now! I often characterize my life as one which is always moving, always busy, never really at rest. But, this morning, as I became aware of the fact that I was calmly sitting and reading and sipping, it brought a slight smile to my face.

The life God has given me here at Biola is so incredibly beautiful. I love my job. I love my friends. I love (for the most part, hehe) my classes. I am blessed.

I love that I can sit in a coffee shop at 10:07 in the morning on a Thursday and hear Sufjan Stevens in the speakers, and look around at all of the happy coffee shop people reading and talking with their friends.

Amidst the things that I love are things that cause me pain. Sick grandparents, siblings going through hard times. It's sad. God is showing me the rightness of feeling two emotions simultaneously that seem contrary in nature: joy and sorrow. Isn't it interesting how we can both feel incandescently happy and detrimentally downcast at the same time? I think so. The good thing is, for us who have come to life in Christ, the knowledge of our salvation should be enough to cause a joy that puts our sorrow to shame.

All that to say, I'm happy. I'm resting. My day will be busy, don't doubt that. But it will be a day that began with rest. Thank you, Lord, for showing me the little things you love to show me.

Beautiful Music

A couple of nights ago, I watched a fantastic movie called "The Brothers Bloom". It is such a great movie, and I highly recommend it for everyone in the world to watch...right now. :)

One of the best things about this movie is the soundtrack. The music is so beautiful! It cuts at your heart. It makes you smile. It makes you want to cry. I've been listening to it all weekend, and it hasn't gotten old.

One of my favorite songs is titled Penelope's Theme, and it's just so darn beautiful. If someone were to write a song that describes me, I would want them to be inspired by this song.

The piece starts with just a piano. A consistent bass line. A jumping melody. Then enter the strings. Beautiful harmonies abound. Amazingly complex yet so beautifully simple. Just like Penelope.

This soundtrack makes me sway. It causes me to move with the rhythms. But not too much, since I'm sitting in a Starbucks right now as I write this and listen to the soundtrack. That would just be embarrassing.

God is a being of beauty. Music is a reflection of His goodness and absolute beauty.

Listen to this song. I mean, please, listen to this song. :)

I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I do.

People

This week I am so incredibly thankful for the people God has surrounded me with here at Biola. 

In the midst of going to class, working, and doing homework, I am blessed to be with my friends. 

Never feel like you are too busy for friendship. You are cheating yourself and those around you when you do. 

Just Ask

Well, I've been back at Biola for exactly one week now.

And what a week is has been.

Making new friends. Seeing old ones. Laughing. Crying. Reading. Sleeping. Working, Resting. Praying. Praising.

I'm exhausted, but it is such a rich exhaustion, developed as a result of doing good things all week long with good people.

I've officially decided to change my 'policy' from posting everyday (which I became very poor at near the end of the summer anyways), to once a week. This blog helped me so much this summer; when I felt that there wasn't much to be thankful for amidst the pain, God showed His face, and taught me to praise Him every day for His blessings, both big and small.

So, what am I thankful for today? So many things.

Today, at church, the pastor preached on prayer. He summarized his sermon by saying this:

"In light of God's promises, ask big. Despite disappointments, keep asking."

God used this one-liner to convict me of my lack of prayer about the big things in my life, and really challenge me to faithfully pray for those who I have not prayed for as much as I should. The promises that the preacher was referring to are found in the Gospel According to John, when Jesus is giving His last words to His disciples before His death on the cross. Jesus says,

"Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it." - John 14:13-14 ESV

Did you catch that "anything"? I did. 'Anything' is a lot of things. This means that absolutely nothing is too big for God to handle, or too small. Sometimes, we don't want to 'bother' God with what we perceive to be trivial matters, but He cares for us and wants us to come to Him as a child goes to their father to ask them to open up the bottle they cannot. A simple request, yes, but an amazing picture of a child's dependence on their father, and our dependence on our Heavenly Father. The other side of the coin is true as well. Sometimes life's situations are so overwhelming, it's easy to not pray about them, because then you don't have to think about them. This is not what God wants. He wants us to take our problems to Him, tell Him we don't know what to do, and then wait for instructions. Today, the pastor shared a quote from his wife that said,

"Prayer is our declaration of dependence on God."

The 'power of prayer' isn't what is important. It's the power of the God who hears our prayers.

So, today I am thankful that I know and serve the God who not only created the universe, but sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for my sins, and allows me, by His amazing grace, to seek Him and His perfect will, day by day.

God listens to your prayers. All of them. Rest in that.

How to be Un-Dragoned

C.S. Lewis paints the most beautiful picture of the redeeming grace of Christ in his fifth installment of the Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, when the pessimistic and sometimes downright mean boy, Eustace, is led by Aslan, the Great Lion and Son of the Emperor Beyond the Sea, cleansed of his wickedness, and transformed into a new boy with a completely different outlook on life.

In the story, Eustace has been transformed into a dragon, which coincidentally reflects his greedy and ugly-like behavior and attitude. After being a dragon for a few days, he is absolutely miserable and lonely as a result of it. One night, as he is away from the camp, he suddenly sees a lion coming toward him. He describes the event to his cousin, Edmund, as such:

"Well, anyway, I looked up and saw the very last thing I expected: a huge lion coming slowly toward me. And one queer thing was that there was no moon last night, but there was moonlight where the lion was. So it came nearer and nearer. I was terribly afraid of it. You may think that, being a dragon, I could have knocked any lion out easily enough. But it wasn't that kind of fear. I wasn't afraid of it eating me, I was just afraid of it - if you can understand. Well, it came close up to me and looked straight into my eyes. And I shut my eyes tight. But that wasn't any good because it told me to follow it.”

There is just so much goodness in this one small quote! Aslan is producing light; He is  light to the dark and lonely Eustace. Also, Eustace recognizes the power of this lion, and even though he closes his eyes to try to ignore His presence, the voice of Aslan prevails.  Edmund and Eustace's conversation continues:

“You mean it spoke?" 

“I don't know. Now that you mention it, I don't think it did. But it told me all the same. And I knew I'd have to do what it told me, so I got up and followed it. And it led me a long way into the mountains. And there was always this moonlight over and round the lion wherever we went. So at last we came to the top of a mountain I'd never seen before and on the top of this mountain there was a garden - trees and fruit and everything. In the middle of it there was a well. 

“I knew it was a well because you could see the water bubbling up from the bottom of it: but it was a lot bigger than most wells - like a very big, round bath with marble steps going down into it. The water was as clear as anything and I thought if I could get in there and bathe it would ease the pain in my leg. But the lion told me I must undress first. Mind you, I don't know if he said any words out loud or not. 

“I was just going to say that I couldn't undress because I hadn't any clothes on when I suddenly thought that dragons are snaky sort of things and snakes can cast their skins. Oh, of course, thought I, that's what the lion means. So I started scratching myself and my scales began coming off all over the place. And then I scratched a little deeper and, instead of just scales coming off here and there, my whole skin started peeling off beautifully, like it does after an illness, or as if I was a banana. In a minute or two I just stepped out of it. I could see it lying there beside me, looking rather nasty. It was a most lovely feeling. So I started to go down into the well for my bathe."

Eustace tries his darnedest to rid himself of his yucky outer layer; that which causes his dragon-ness. What I interpret C.S. Lewis to be portraying here is man's attempt to make himself presentable before going to God; man trying to make himself good enough. What man (and Eustace) find out, though, is that it is impossible on his own. Eustace continues:

“But just as I was going to put my feet into the water I looked down and saw that they were all hard and rough and wrinkled and scaly just as they had been before. Oh, that's all right, said I, it only means I had another smaller suit on underneath the first one, and I'll have to get out of it too. So I scratched and tore again and this underskin peeled off beautifully and out I stepped and left it lying beside the other one and went down to the well for my bathe.
“Well, exactly the same thing happened again. And I thought to myself, oh dear, how ever many skins have I got to take off? For I was longing to bathe my leg. So I scratched away for the third time and got off a third skin, just like the two others, and stepped out of it. But as soon as I looked at myself in the water I knew it had been no good."

Hopelessness. This is what I imagine Eustace to be feeling right about now. He has taken off three layers of dead skin, and is still not clean enough for a bath. He's tired. He's lonely. He's trying with all of his might, but it's still not enough. This is what life must be like for those who don't know the grace of Jesus Christ. For those who work so hard each and every day to be 'good people', and constantly fall short. For those who want to believe in God, but can't bring themselves to do it because they can't bear to look at the sin in their life, let alone show it all to God. Amazingly enough, it isn't up to us, just like it wasn't up to Eustace, for he continues his story saying:

“Then the lion said - but I don't know if it spoke – ‘You will have to let me undress you.’ I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.
“The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. You know - if you've ever picked the scab off a sore place. It hurts like billy-oh but it is such fun to see it coming away.”
“I know exactly what you mean,” said Edmund.

I find this part to be absolutely and astonishingly beautiful. Here, Eustace makes himself completely vulnerable to the un-tame but good, Aslan, by laying down on his back and letting him peel off his filthy dragon skin. That is what we need to do with Jesus. We need to be vulnerable with Him and ourselves. We need to lay back and let Christ go down deep into our hearts and cleanse us, no matter how much it may hurt us. Like Eustace said, it's a good kind of pain. Eustace finishes up his story by saying:

“Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off - just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt - and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly-looking than the others had been. And there was I as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me - I didn't like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I'd no skin on - and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I'd turned into a boy again. You'd think me simply phoney if I told you how I felt about my own arms. I know they've no muscle and are pretty mouldy compared with Caspian's, but I was so glad to see them.
“After a bit the lion took me out and dressed me –“
“Dressed you. With his paws?”
“Well, I don't exactly remember that bit. But he did somehow or other: in new clothes - the same I've got on now, as a matter of fact. And then suddenly I was back here. Which is what makes me think it must have been a dream.”
“No. It wasn't a dream,” said Edmund.
“Why not?”
“Well, there are the clothes, for one thing. And you have been - well, un-dragoned, for another.”
“What do you think it was, then?” asked Eustace.
“I think you've seen Aslan,” said Edmund.

Eustace is a boy again. But notice how he is not the same pessimistic and hate filled boy he was before. He has seen Aslan, and his whole life is changed. He is dressed in new clothes, and I like to think this represents our being covered with Christ's righteousness when we give our lives to Him and accept His free gift of salvation and redemption. Even Edmund notices the change Aslan has brought to Eustace.

There's just so much about this story that amazes and inspires me.
Aslan is Jesus.
Aslan redeemed Eustace.
Jesus redeemed me.
Both Eustace and I are new creations.
And you can be a new creation, too. You just need to be 'un-dragoned'.

Peace is Possible

I know that I haven't posted in a few days, and it's not that I can't find things to be thankful for, it's just that life gets crazy and exhausting and it's hard to sit down and write amidst it all.

But, here I am, sitting and writing. Life is still crazy and exhausting, but I'm writing.

This morning my dad, sister, and I went for a walk through a park near our apartment. The sun was shining, baseball teams composed of middle-aged men were playing, and the ducks were waddling. There was a park bench at the top of a grassy hill that you could sit on and see the tippy-top of the mountains in the distance. There was a playground with a tire swing that my dad swung my sister on, and swings that she and I competed to see who could swing the highest on.

I was at peace. Even in the midst of a crazy and exhausting life, this morning in the park was proof that peace is possible.

Blogging and Dancing

Right now, as I'm blogging, my sister is dancing.

I love how different we are, and how much we love, accept, and encourage each other, even in our differences.

I'm going to miss Colie so much when I go back to school. Thank you, Lord, so much, for this summer we have spent together. She is growing up into such a wonderful young lady.

Father Daughter Date

Tonight I went on a date...with my Dad. :)

We went down to  Edmonds and visited the Waterfront Coffee Company, got our delicious drinks (I ordered a Mexican Mocha and Dad had an Iced Coffee), talked with the Barista for a bit, and then headed down to the water to enjoy the beautiful scenery.

Since my summer is about to close, I wanted to spend some quality time with my dad before I headed back to school. And quality time we had. We spoke of our summers, our thoughts on C.S. Lewis' many books, and more. We had great conversation, and I am just so so glad he is my dad, and not anyone else.

I wanted to take a picture of the two of us in front of the water, but lucky for us there was a nice man near us who was willing to take our picture, so it didn't have to be all 'myspace-ey' haha.

Thank you, Lord, for this fun time I had with my dad. Let us continue to grow in our relationship with each other and with You.

Jeep!

"Are you saying that I get to go test drive a Jeep, while getting paid to work, and   I get a gift card to the mall for driving the Jeep?" 

I asked this question to my manager after he told me I could do exactly what my question posed. 

"Yeah, I'll just say it was your ten", my manager responded. 

"OK! I'll be back, then!" I said with a smile. I was so excited! 

That's right, my friends. While I was at work today (I work at Brookstone), the Jeep company was doing a promo where people could test drive their vehicles, answer a couple of questions about the car they drove, and then receive a gift card to the mall where I work! I got to drive a super nice 2011 Jeep Grand Cherokee around the block and have a great conversation with Chase, a pre-med student at the University of Washington, who was working at the promo event this weekend. He was there to make sure I didn't run away with the vehicle haha. It was so much fun!

It sure was nice to do something out of the ordinary and not stressful. Thank you, Lord, for this random excursion of fun. :)

Tonight's Plan

- I drink a delicious mug of hot cocoa
- Nicole drinks a delicious mug of chocolate milk
- We sit together and finish reading Lewis' Prince Caspian

Thank you, Lord, for this fun night of yummy drinks and great literature.

Support

This week has been beyond exhausting, which is reflected in my sparse and short posts.

But, amidst the madness, I am so thankful for the people God has put in my life to support me through it all.

What a Day

For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison. 2 Corinthians 4:17 ESV

My Daddy is alive. Satan tried to take him away, but Jesus reigns, and my Dad is alive. :)

As Easy as Breathing

Tonight was the first night of my church's Vacation Bible School (VBS, for short), and I am one of the teachers for the 5th and 6th grade class. I absolutely LOVE my students. :)

It's so much fun to teach kids about Jesus. Especially if the kid is receptive to what I'm saying. It's encouraging that my students like me and that teaching them comes naturally...just like breathing. I love teaching. I love helping people figure things out. I love it when the light bulb above their heads turns on...when they finally get it, and a big smile reaches across their face.

Thank you, Lord, for VBS. Thank you for my students. Thank you for giving me the gift of teaching.

You've Caught Me Deep in Thought...

Two years ago, I graduated from high school.

Two years from now, I will graduate from college.

As of right now, I'm stuck right smack dab in the middle of two milestones.

And it's weird.

I'm growing up, you see, and it's strange.

Today's post isn't necessarily an offering of praise; if anything, it's an offering of thought and reflection.

Time fascinates me. It moves quickly, yet so much can happen in such little time. I need to take advantage of the time God has given me, and use it to His advantage and not my own.

Sorry, you've caught me deep in thought...please leave a message after the beep. :)

TPW

Sometimes he drives me absolutely insane. But deep down, I know that I love him like a brother. Which would explain why sometimes he drives me absolutely insane; brothers do that.

I've known Truman since he was six years old. I was eight when we met. Our dad's knew each other from work, and our families moved to Washington from Kentucky together to plant a church. We have, for all intensive purposes, grown up together.

Why am I thankful for Truman? Great question. I'm thankful for him because I know that I can be myself around him. I can talk about the things in my life that cause me pain and those things which make me rejoice. I don't have to act like anyone but myself around him, and sometimes 'myself' can be tired and cranky. I'm sure, at times, I've bothered him with my attitude just as much as he has bothered me with his, but I know that we care for each other like family, and that bond can never break, no matter how annoying the other gets at times.

I feel very blessed to have the friendship God has given me with Truman. He is my oldest friend. Having moved around a lot growing up, I've never had friendships last longer than just a couple to few years. But, with Truman, we have been friends for 12 years, and for that I am truly thankful.

Thank you, Lord, for Truman P. Whitaker. Thank you that we are friends, and that even though through our friendship we have come to know each other's flaws, we have also come to truly know and appreciate the other's wonderful qualities. Truman loves his country (he recently enlisted himself for the United States Marine Corps), his family (even though sometimes he picks on his siblings haha), and God. Thank you for that.